A note on being 25
I unintentionally took the summer off from blogging (and several other things) as I took a summer class that ate up more of my time than originally planned.
But I’m back, and as of this past Sunday, I’m a year older. I’ve now entered the realm of a new quarter century – I’ve turned 25.
I was slightly devastated to enter this new phase in my life: to move past the influential and highly regarded 18-24 age demographic (my boyfriend even jokingly chided me by saying that I needed to start liking the syndicated radio host Delilah, rated first among women 25-54). 25 to me seemed like a scary step into adulthood; forced into the next phase of life, without an option to turn back. I still have years until 30, but 25…
I had planned to make this birthday really special. I put together a grand (and successful) outing with friends and tried to fill my weekend with whatever I could. When some ideas turned sour or plans fell through, I became apprehensive. I was dreading my birthday weekend. And then Hurricane Irene came and forced me into seclusion.
Yet this seclusion was exactly what I needed. I spent my actual birthday reading, Netflixing, lounging, and spending time with people I care about. It was peaceful (despite the raging wind and rain outside), delicious and fine. Most of all, it wasn’t scary.
I haven’t been 25 for even a week, but the dread that I had been carrying for months has quickly disappeared. I still expect the year ahead to be full of a new set of challenges to face, but for now, it really doesn’t seem that bad.
Happy Birthday to Me!
A Decade in Music
Tonight I attended a concert headlined by two of my favorite artists: Ben Kweller and Pete Yorn. Standing there, amongst a variety of high school students and middle agers, I realized that I had been a fan of both musicians for roughly a decade each. I began listening to Pete Yorn my freshman year in high school and Ben Kweller shortly thereafter sophomore year.
Each of their first albums (Yorn’s musicforthemorningafter and Kweller’s Sha Sha) were on near-constant repeat in my CD player. Pete’s thoughtful, mournful and emotional lyrics guided me through my periods of unrequited love, and Ben’s words picked me up and made me smile. Each of these (along with myriad others) helped me get through high school, and tonight I experienced them again.
Even more laid back, but just as animated as before.
Tonight, I felt like an old-timer, an old fan, especially sandwiched between two high school-aged couples (one was actually talking about taking the SATs this weekend and the other was worrying about curfew!). But once the music started, I was transported to that age. I remember feeling that sad, feeling that in love, feeling that sad about being that in love with someone who wouldn’t love me back, feeling that happy and feeling that music was the one thing that would get me through each day.
These feelings coursed through my veins when I heard songs from each artist’s earliest albums (Pete was actually celebrating 10 years of musicforthemorningafter and played a majority of the album). Yet instead of feeling sad, I felt happy. I started feeling nostalgic for high school (which believe me, is not common), but realized I was feeling nostalgic for friends I have drifted apart from. And then I realized I was really being lifted up by how far ahead I am now.
I am proud of the person that I have become since high school, and the person I am continually growing in to. I have come a far distance from the girl I was ten years ago. While I still rely on music to get me through difficult times and to boost me up, I approach life differently. I accept the negative more constructively and I am overall an infinitely happier person (even then I was a year ago).
10 years since his debut, and Pete's still rocking. And still cool.
A decade in music, a decade in life. Pete Yorn and Ben Kweller’s music has evolved over the past ten years, but their bedrock of work is still meaningful, beautiful, fun and rocking.
I’d like to think that I’m the same.
Necessary Luxuries
Necessary luxuries. We all have them.
No matter how frugal you are (by choice or by necessity or both!), there are just certain things in our lives that we have to splurge on. Given proper money management (and a steady enough cash flow), this is absolutely workable. However, you have to be careful to keep this list relatively short. Most young professionals aren’t bankrolling a high enough salary to be able to afford unnecessary luxuries; hell many older professionals aren’t either! And you have to make sure that these luxuries are not coming at the expense of an actual necessity, like food, utility bills or student loan payments.
My necessary luxuries have grown with me, changing with my taste and needs. In college, these extras included bagels from the Emerson Cafe (thanks Mom for the steady supply of EC Cash!), an ever expanding DVD collection courtesy of Amazon, and Cape Codders from Sweetwater. When I was unemployed, it was the internet (I was so broke that I couldn’t even afford bus fare to get downtown for free events).
Do a Google image search of "Necessary Luxuries." It gives you an idea of the variety of what is considered "necessary."
Now that I’m older, wiser and make enough to be a bit more comfortable, I’ve been able to expand these luxuries. While I tend to think and re-think about every unnecessary purchase I make, I give myself these allowances:
1. Organic milk
I have always loved milk. When I was younger, I drank it at least twice a day. My mother would buy two gallons a week and I could usually polish it off easily. Now I’m drinking it much less, and have found myself having to pour out sour milk from half gallons more often than I’m comfortable with. So I go organic. Not only is it healthier, but it’s super pasteurized so it takes about a month longer to go foul. Buying that extra fresh time in the fridge is easily worth the extra $1.50-$2 it costs.
2. Personal training
I have an on-again-off-again relationship with fitness. I swim through waves of high energy and motivation for exercise and wade through troughs of sheer laziness. Unfortunately, I tend to fall into the latter more often that the former. Even starting a nutrition and weight loss plan with a trainer in October did not lead me to totally slack off during that month from over work and over stress.
But the money I shell out each month (believe me, it was an excellent deal) is so worth the external motivation. If I know that I have someone to answer to at the end of the day, someone who makes me understand the movements of my workouts and my food choices, then I’m going to push harder and stay committed. My sessions with Josh are fruitful because he’s there to motivate me, and push me through to the 20th rep of a squat when my body just wants to give up. He’s there to keep me on my toes (well, heels – you really should push from your heels) and to keep me on track. Plus, since my gym membership is paid for the year – it’s totally worth it.
3. A smartphone
I really don’t like to think of how long it took me to get one. I’ve only had my Droid for five months, but I don’t know what I’d do without it.
The trick with necessary luxuries is trying to find a way to get them cheaper. My employer has a deal with Verizon (despite my last post, it’s still a good deal), so I save 19% on service and am only spending an extra $20 or so more a month for a data plan. Win win win.
4. Semi-regular haircuts
This is new to my list. Since I stopped coloring my hair my freshman year of college, I have stopped needing haircuts every five-six weeks. In college, I wanted a Newbury Street salon haircut but at the price of my hairdresser at home. I tended to let it grow until it was too long, curly and unruly and I would chop off four to five inches at a time. Since the advent of Groupon, CoupMe and Living Social, I have managed to score appointments at top salons for half price, but even then, going only once or twice a year.
Until Sonia.
I went in to the Amaci Salon last month (with a CoupMe coupon) for a haircut before my trip to Kentucky. She grew up down the street from where I now live in East Cambridge, and was so easy to talk to. She gave me such a fantastic haircut that I’m actually convinced that I’ve found a new stylist in Boston (finally!). She suggested that I get a haircut every four months or so, and I have to agree. After that, I lose my lovely layers, and my beautiful curls get bogged down in their own weight. Amaci is a great salon, Sonia is a genius with curls, and again, it’s a cost that’s worth it.
Necessary luxuries can be important to us: just a touch of that extra something. Procured in a smart and savvy way, these little boosters can also help improve our quality of life (even if it is in a superficial way). With a higher income, my list is likely to grow, and me along with it.
How about you? What are the necessary luxuries that give your week an extra bit of oomph?
I’m an Adult. Seriously.
My name is Heather Marie. I’m 24. And I’m an adult.
I guess I don’t really need to join a support group in reaction to my status in life, but becoming an adult has been a surprising series of events.
I legally became an adult six years ago, but it wasn’t until recently that I really felt like I had fully become one. Adulthood transcends the ideas I had when I was a kid: staying up late, making your own choices, dating, seeing R-rated movies, imbibing, and taking more responsibility.
These people love being adults!
Yet, the paved journey to adulthood has been somewhat surprising:
1. I go to sleep early.
I used to make fun of my sister when she was a recent college grad for retiring very early every night. Without homework to do, she had so much free time! Why waste it?
Oh how little I knew. Once I started working and commuting, I completely understood. Working full time is exhausting. Your whole self goes into what you do each day (well, hopefully so!) and once you get home, there’s dinner to make, errands to run, and a multitude of other things to focus on. By the end of the day, I sincerely miss my pajamas.
I have a hard time staying out late on Friday nights now (unless I’ve napped for a bit after work) because of how tired I get, and sometimes find myself leaving my plans early to go to bed. Sometimes even before the last train.
Lately, with taking classes, plus a lead organizing role with Oxfam America Action Corps, I can’t ever seem to get to bed before midnight, which will not be a trend I can keep up. I miss being in bed at 10 and not feeling ashamed!
2. Paying debt off is an accomplishment (and fun!)
Until very recently, my money management skills left a great deal to be desired. I am now uber-obsessed with my available bank account balances, how my money moves, and paying my bills. I paid off my credit card debt a few months ago (it took four years, but it’s done!), and now I’m focused on shrinking the size of my auto and school loans and growing my savings. I’m even hoping to open a Roth IRA in the next year or so.
I can control my spending, pay all my bills in full and on time, not overdraw my account. Paying off debt – well, it’s just a wonderful thing.
3. I like wine.
I used to be a mild consumer of wine. I would nurse a glass for hours until it became undrinkable. I tried and tried to like it; took advice on reds and whites and pairings from my knowledgeable uncles and friends. I just couldn’t get behind it. I couldn’t discern the tastes of oak and fruit that connoisseurs could.
And then, something changed. I now like, nay, love wine. I’m interested in learning more, trying as many as possible, and continuing to grow my palate. Pass the Argentinian Malbec, please!
4. Time flies by.
Another surprising (but yet not surprising) aspect is that time flies by. Growing up, all the major milestones seemed ages away: driving, voting, drinking. Now these are all so commonplace that I sometimes take them for granted. Once I hit 25 and gain the ability to rent a car, what comes next? 30 seems so far away, but it’s realistically right around the corner. While I’m not fearing middle age yet, I realize how quickly it could come. I just have to make sure that I enjoy life as much as I can, because each and every day is precious.
On the other hand, adulthood has also not been surprising: taxes, sacrificing want for need, and financial independence (I just bought a car – completely on my own!). But I’m enjoying the journey.
And besides, who said adults can’t be silly?
Who said that adults have to be serious all the time? Life is better when you're silly.
I’ve got Wedding Fever, and the only cure is more… Weddings?
Chapel bells are ringing, because wedding season is in swing. And everyone and their mother (literally) is getting married.
Scrolling through facebook, I am seeing more and more photos of friends (or acquaintances) in white dresses, matched with men in tuxes or suits.
In August, I only attended one wedding (which happened to be my mother’s, Mazel Tov, Ma!), but I knew about three other couples who also wed just that month.
This past weekend I attended one on the Cape, and just sent back a reply to an invitation for the first week of October. Plus there is one on the first of the new year for my best friend from middle school, and then in May for two college friends, and then TWO next Labor Day weekend (including one I’m bridesmaid-ing for).
I guess wedding season is called wedding season for a reason: it’s crammed full of weddings. But I am finally reaching that age where I actually know people who are committing their love to another. And are doing so frequently. Before this, I had just a (small) handful of married friends, and of those, most were Emerson alumni friends from older classes. Now, girls and boys I’ve known since my days in elementary are wearing special rings and unpacking numerous blenders and place settings.
Now that more of my peers are pairing up, I am starting to feel pressure. It’s not anxiety about physically getting married, as I’ve known for years that I have academic and career goals and will get hitched closer to 30 than 20 (you can relax now, Tom). It’s more that I’m realizing that I’m growing up and feeling like I’m being left behind by remaining single. But are these married couples really achieving something that’s ahead of me?
This is what I want my wedding to look like, only with fewer birds and feathers in my hair.
I know that I’m an independent woman, driven by my personal goals and consistent need at self improvement. I know that I can accomplish great things by myself. But I also know that being in a good relationship is almost as fulfilling as other personal accomplishments. It fills (not necessarily completes) another side of your being, and it is just an indescribable feeling. So these people who are married… are they more whole than I? Are they more fulfilled? Because of this fulfillment, will they then be able to accomplish more personally?
Trust me, I am in no rush to be married (seriously, Tom, not for years). I really do have personal benchmarks to fulfill before I can even entertain a proposal. But still, at the end of the day, when it’s just me in my head, after my reading for classes is done, I do wonder…
Falling Feet First 